As many of you know, I am pretty dedicated to powerlifting. But, if I am being honest, I love/despise it. It is tough to lifts hundreds of pounds and to increase the lifts each time. Some days, I do not want to do it. But, it empowers me to see myself grow in physical and emotional strength throughout the process.
Last week, was a sure test in my emotional strength. During my training, I had an unexpected setback. While preparing for my bench presses, I was moving the bench beneath the rack, and the bench fell on my knee. Ever since my patella (knee cap) has been locking in and out of place and making popping and grinding sounds that can make any ear cringe.
At first, when this happened, I started to cry. Not because of the pain, even though it exists, but due to my fear of how this would affect my physical performance in the gym going forward. I envisioned myself squatting 200 pounds in a couple months, or sooner, not going backward.
Before the incident, I was squatting 170 pounds. A few days after the incident, I could not even squat with my body weight without serious pain and my knee locking. Luckily, I am able to navigate my presses, deadlifts and Pendlay lifts with minimal pain. Throughout those movements, I am still able to break personal records. But, the full squatting motion itself was and is the trigger for my knee.
I began to ice my knee, do bicycle exercises, and rest, which I am still doing.
I talked to my trainer, who also is a physical therapist, and she recommended that going forward with squats, I should accommodate it and do whatever I can with the squat to experience minimal pain. She said wherever I begin, I can grow from it again. It was suggested that I can even do half squats, in which you only do the half motion of a squat, with a box to prop me up, and can start with my body weight or the bar. She also recommended I begin to use knee sleeves to help warm my knee.
It took me a few days to get over the fact that I was literally starting over with squats. That I would no longer be able to jump and do 170-pound squats, or more. Instead, I would need to work again for months to get there once again.
Metaphor for Life
After a few days of thought, I started to see this experience as another metaphor for life.
We all work incredibly hard to get to where we want to go and to be who we want to be. Sometimes, we see ourselves getting closer and closer to the goal, but then face obstacles that face us head-on, that appears to show up out of thin air. We do not see them coming and it can knock us straight down on our face.
I am finding that growth is not just about breaking my personal records each and every time I am under the bar. Instead, growth is:
- My willingness to start over when I need to
- My ability to do the hard work that it takes to reach my goals once again
- My sense to rest and listen to my body
Growth is not linear, even though I think we all secretly hope it was. It is much more complex. Growth is growing from wherever you are, even if it is from square one.
To take it a step further, when we face personal hardships in our life, that take even more out of us than any physical injury can, it does feel like we are starting over as I have mentioned. But, it may not be as much that we are starting over, but that we are starting new.
I may need to start new on squats. . . But, I am proud I can lift 185 pounds on a deadlift.
I am choosing to not see this setback as a defining moment. I am choosing to see my attitude as my defining moment. My trials don’t define me. I define me.
Whenever you are in your life and whatever you may be facing, know that you are your greatest champion. I am still, and will always continue, to teach myself this lesson. It’s too valuable to forget,
